Category Archives: Short Stories

Do you love your partner? Will you always love them? What if they turned into a worm? What if they turned into a hot dog?

My next story, “What to Expect When Your Girlfriend Turns Into a Hot Dog: For Dummies” addresses this.

I hope you enjoy it! 🙂

This is not a story that “started innocently enough.” It started pretty fucking horribly, actually. You see, it wasn’t a zombie, bug, or werewolf that haunted me. It was the beeping.

I was certain imposters had taken over my home, and I wouldn’t let them get away with it.

Kim and I were getting high, nuzzled on our plush couch when a commercial for Mama’s Pies came through The Feed. My mouth immediately felt bland, as if I had licked cardboard. The flaky, crackling crust and sweet blueberries danced on the screen. A catchy song, almost a chant, overlaid the video. It went, “…makeContinue reading “The Secret Ingredient”

My business partner Aaron and I arrived at the dark cottage late at night, soaked to the bone from the torrential rain. The sign outside read Rooms Available! We were weary, and this should have been a good omen, yet the silhouette cut around the house by the full moon’s light left me unsettled. “IContinue reading “Don’t Let the Bed Bugs Bite”

I should have never gone out on the boat with Ron.  I laid in the lower deck of his small sailboat listening to him laughing on the phone with his jackass friends about the latest Joe Rogan podcast. My face was smushed against a plastic life preserver as I tried to focus on the hollowContinue reading “Through the Fog”

I just can’t stop killing myself. It started off innocently enough, I suppose. It was the classic story of boy meets girl, boy messes up relationship, boy meets witch, boy wishes he can turn back time. Surprisingly, my wish worked as expected. I traveled back in time to a week prior when my girlfriend dumpedContinue reading “I Just Can’t Stop Killing Myself”

“And who am I? My name is DEATHBOT, and I am here to tell you exactly what day you will die. But first, do you accept my terms and conditions?”

It was a desolate night outside of Anheuser Theatre, but the halls within warmed with the activity of black clad stage hands frantically assembling the show of the year. The theatre normally blended innocuously into the industrial background of Milwaukee like a balsam fir nuzzled within the caress of a tree farm, however tonight the red brick building was lit elegantly. Two massive spotlights strafed through the foggy air and skipped along the shallow, dark sky. A shimmering red carpet led from the sidewalk, through the front door, and into the main hall. Gates were set up on either side to contain the tittering crowd. Four long, gold drapes with dark green fringe hung over the lip of the roof and ran down the front of the building. Millions of pounds of saturated clouds hung over the scene with holy catastrophic potential.

“Can you believe that every person eats an average of eight spiders in their sleep each year –” knock, knock Franz was laying on a shag carpet on the floor of his apartment, twisting the dark orange, dreadlike fibers between his fingers and listening to a podcast about bugs. Normally he would not show thisContinue reading “Knock, Knock”